So, I turn the big Four-Oh next week.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it to be honest, guess it can't be worse than being 35, or 30 or something..
It's just another day, I haven't celebrated my birthday since my daughter's birth, they fall so close together that she was, and has been the primary birthday celebratee and overrides my own.

Speaking of, I see my kids for my eldest daughter's birthday and fly down Friday.
They grow so fast, and it's already been two years since the separation.

Divorce papers get officially signed and finalized next Tuesday.
Again, it feels like the close of another chapter, but really, it's been two years coming so I shouldn't feel surprised or melancholy about it.

It has however, given me enough emotional turmoil to write and journal again here. Sometimes cracks appear, and I just need to outlet a bit.
So scuse me for being slightly emo about stuff, it's been a crap existance and being stubbornly male and bottling it away out of habit will possibly kill me one day for some reason or other.

Regardless, I fly back after a 5 days short visit with the kids and pretty much head straight back into Night Shifts again and turn 40 in the office on my own and then finish work, go home to sleep it all away.

When I wake, a supposedly landmark event would have gone past without so much as a whimper, and I would have been alone for it anyhow, and just head to work again.

Rinse, repeat.

Another day, another year.
Another reason to wonder what it's all the fuck about...